17. Primitive appetites underlie addictive tendencies

By Tom O'Connell

Insatiable appetites are a key factor in addiction. And it matters little whether we are discussing alcoholism, other drug addictions, food addiction, gambling addiction, or relationship addiction. Addiction is addiction, and it has much to do with appetites.

It may help to look at the word "appetite" itself. In the Latin root for the word we find the meanings "strive after," "long for," and "seek." Our appetites are always on a quest to satisfy our needs. And to complicate matters, in addition to the craving for food and liquid to keep us alive, we also have mental and emotional cravings that work on us.

In childhood, many young ones are described as having "amazing appetites." It seems they can't get enough of the breast, the bottle, or the apple sauce. And later they can't get enough of the candy. Even before the hunk of chocolate is swallowed, the question is, "Where's the next one?"

Still later, in grownup form, there are many people who can't get enough of anything that makes them feel good. In the case of alcohol, they have what the Irish call "the craving." And the craving is a factor in all addictions. When the craving sets in, logic goes on vacation and the motto is, "More is better, and there's no such thing as enough."

Obviously, we all don't have the same degree of craving. Just as in other conditions, there are degrees of severity. We have mildly addicted people, the moderately addicted, and the severely addicted. But we all have to deal with "the craving," whether it's about drinking, eating, gambling, or getting the love we desire. To crave is human. 

At the root of it all, we can trace our craving back to the factors of separation anxiety and attachment hunger that we all have in common just because we are human. In the womb we have our needs met, but once we are cast into the open air we contract  separation anxiety. And because of this feeling of separation, we strongly desire to attach ourselves to anything that makes us feel better...whether it harms us or not. 

Life, in many aspects, is a quest to alleviate these basic factors that make us feel uncomfortable. In the quest for pleasure and comfort, some people compete obsessively for power. Others chase the opposite sex. Some consume vast amounts of food. Others drink and drug. Some gamble excessively. And the beat goes on. It's a very primitive beat. Like jungle drums. Yet it's a natural beat.

When we can take just an ice cream cone to feel better we're not addicted. But when the inner drumbeat is primitive and we gorge ourselves with half a gallon we've got a problem. When one drink can be left on the table without even finishing it, that's fine. But when one drink leads to so many that we end up in oblivion somewhere deep in the jungle, which can also be described as the heart of darkness, we've got a problem.

When connecting sexually with our loved one is mutually satisfying and not obsessive, that's fine. But when we're lost in the primitive drumming and have to exhaust each other in search of the perfect orgasm we've got a problem. When we can place a bet once in a while without feeling a strong need to keep placing more, we're okay. But when the drumbeat lures us irresistibly and we spend too large a portion of our paychecks at convenience stores or tracks trying to make the big win, we've got a problem.

I think much of our tendency to be addicted can be traced to the natural arrangement our Creator gave us at birth. We're given a body with primitive needs, and we're given lower appetites that work to satisfy those needs. And some of us have more insatiable appetites than others do, so we're apt to become more severely addicted.

All of us have a built-in desire for gratification. In the baby, it's about instant gratification. But as we grow older, the primitive baby never quite leaves us. In some of us the baby takes over. In others the baby is more moderate. And in still others the baby is very relaxed and makes hardly any demands at all. 

I'm leading to a point here. The lower appetites are not evil. They are natural and they are good. It's only when they get out of control that we run into problems. And when we move from casual experimentation to harmless habit we're okay. But when we move to unhealthy, life-damaging habit we are into addiction.

At the core, the tendency to become addicted is not a pathological problem. It grows out of a natural condition. We have a natural desire to be naturally satisfied. And our lower appetites are part of the deal. It's only when the appetites become insatiable that we are in trouble.

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