26. Al-Anon's One-Day-At-A-Time book includes powerful wisdom

By Tom O'Connell

One Day At A Time In Al-Anon (ODAT) is a book of daily readings that includes powerful wisdom that helps bring serenity. It also helps people to make wise choices even though they may be facing what seem to be insurmountable problems. Although the book is designed for those who have friends or relatives with alcohol problems, it's a synthesis of the wisdom of the ages, and would help anyone in any kind of challenging relationship to do a better job of relating, or to have the courage to leave the relationship.

Have you ever experienced a relationship in which your partner or intimate friend exhibited unacceptable behavior? And you didn't know what to do about it? Well, Al-Anon doesn't tell you exactly what to do, but it certainly helps you clarify your thinking.

The January 13 and March 26 ODAT readings provide a good example for you to ponder. And if you can't relate to the "alcoholic's" situation, remove that word and insert "anybody's" instead.

JANUARY 13: "When will I realize that I need not permit the alcoholic's behavior to confuse my life and destroy my peace of mind? When will I learn that there is no compulsion, in law or ethics, that forces me to accept humiliation, uncertainty and despair? Have I perhaps accepted it because I have a subconscious desire for martyrdom? Do I secretly relish feeling sorry for myself and want sympathy from others?"

Today's Reminder: "I have a right to free myself from any situation that interferes with my having a decent life and pleasant experiences. Every human being is entitled to live without fear, uncertainty, discomfort. I should take a firm stand and hold fast to whatever decision I make, to help not only myself and my family, but the suffering alcoholic as well. Constant wavering can only hinder me from breaking out of my present thinking patterns."

(Anonymous quote) "God guide me to make the right decision and give me the fortitude to cling to it against all pressures and persuasions."

MARCH 26: "Why is it so hard to admit we are powerless over alcohol as the First Step suggests we do? All of us have heard and shared in discussion, at Al-Anon meetings, as to whether this should be interpreted as 'alcohol' or the 'alcoholic.' We have no power over either one. No one can control the insidious effect of alcohol, or its power to destroy the graces and decencies of life. No one can control the alcoholic's compulsion to drink. But we do have a power, derived from God, and that is the power to change our own lives. Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation. It means accepting the fact of a situation, and then deciding what we will do about it."

Today's Reminder: "Progress begins when we stop trying to control the uncontrollable, and when we go on to correct what we have the right to change. If we accept a situation full of misery and uncertainty, it is no one's fault but our own. We can do something about it."

(Celebra Tueli) "Fighting futility is just a waste of energy, Samantha. Either do something or quit fretting."

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The messages on these ODAT pages apply to any situation in which we find ourselves feeling like a victim. At such times it is very difficult to make rational decisions. So Al-Anon simply gives some guidelines on straight thinking that can set the climate for wise decisions.

When we are in a close relationship for any length of time, even a harmful one, it is very hard to make a major change. We tend to lose our perspective, our objectivity, our emotional balance, even in life-threatening situations.

We may be in denial, or we may try to minimize by saying, "The devil I know is better than the devil I don't know." Yet we owe it to ourselves, as children of God, to protect our birthright which is our sacred dignity as human beings. And we deserve to have a strong sense of self-worth. But that will not happen if we continue a posture of "submission to a degrading situation," as ODAT points out.

So, if you or someone you love feels compromised by another person's behavior, I enthusiastically recommend to you the wisdom in the spiritually powerful book, One Day At A Time In Al-Anon...and in Al-Anon's companion book, Courage to Change.

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