49. Complexity of modern life challenges corporations and families

By Tom O'Connell

What do couples and families have to do with international corporations, the federal government, and the United Nations? One concept. "Creative collaboration" enhances their quality.

At the 20th Anniversary Cape Cod Institute this past summer I sat in on a thought-provoking panel discussion about "Creating Great Groups." As I listened I could see a link between the challenges faced by world leaders and the challenges we all face in our close relationships.

Dr. Warren Bennis, who has advised the last four U.S. Presidents, and consulted to the United Nations and many corporations and agencies, provided insights about creating great groups during the workshop sponsored by the Albert Einstein College of Medicine. The audience was comprised of psychotherapists and other professionals.

"The struggle that true collaboration entails is a lifelong effort," said Bennis. "It's something that has to be seeded, fed, and nurtured all the time."

Using the game of baseball as a basis of comparison, he said, "The hardest thing to do is hit a ball going 80 miles per hour with a long piece of wood. But a relationship makes hitting a clean ball like a walk in the park."

Creating a relationship that works well is especially challenging for people in the grip of addiction or in recovery. Addiction is a substitute for healthy relating, and when one has related poorly for many years it is no easy matter to learn to do it well.  

What has Bennis, the internationally renowned expert, learned in his own career?  Responding to a question, Bennis was disarming in his simplicity: "I am astounded at the process of groups." The great ones make a large impact. And many groups fail.

Looking at history, Bennis said there is "always a protector to back up great groups within an organization. Hot groups can be a threat or a model." Isn't a similar dynamic at work in couples and families, with a key person operating as a mentor, guiding and protecting the growth of healthy intimacy? Yet Bennis said that when someone is building a foundation for new ideas in a corporation (or in a family), it can either spur people on or threaten their sense of confidence and security.

Another featured panelist, Dr. Mel Roman, echoed Bennis' ideas on the "protector" and said that person "protects the integrity of the group." Also, the protector may share in the reflected glory the way a family leader will share in the success of the relationships he or she has nurtured.

Roman, a professor emeritus at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, is known for his teaching and research on family and group dynamics, as well as connections between art and social change.

Quoting an African wise man named Fugard, Roman repeated a powerful statement: "History begins when two people interact." Each relationship has a distinct history, and just as organizations and nations can learn from history and improve the world, people can learn from their personal histories and make dramatic improvements in their close relationships.

Roman emphasized that in building a great group, a romance, or a friendship, the key word is "collaboration." And there's a special ingredient. "What keeps a hot group going is the love and passion of the task, the sense of romance...."

On the other hand, he said the creative process comes and goes. "A lot of hot groups disperse." Apathy can lead to the decline of a group, he reflected. "How you do anything is how you do everything." If there is apathy at work there is probably apathy elsewhere in a person's life as well.

I was especially taken with this remark by Mel Roman: "When love and labor are merged, there is nothing more powerful." These words apply to every aspect of life.

Describing Alcoholics Anonymous as a great group, Roman said the key factors in AA are "compassion and support." Other key words coming out of the workshop on great groups were "self-awareness" and "empathy."

With greater self-awareness, compassion, empathy and support, great groups can be developed in the larger world and in the relationships within our smaller worlds of home, family, and friendships. 

When Warren Bennis was asked about his views on the status of leadership today versus 20 or 30 years ago, he stressed the increase in collaboration, with more people in high places sharing their authority and expertise. "Because there is an incredible amount more complexity...the complexity of executive teams in the workplace is staggering...and people aren't up to it."

So, at work, at home, and elsewhere, the complexity is daunting because the pace of modern life is overwhelming. In Warren Bennis' own words: "It's a much more complicated world, and it's hard keeping up with it."

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