5. Repairing character defects is a major hurdle in addiction recovery

By Tom O'Connell

Addiction is essentially a wrong relationship. And a primary relationship at that. It impairs all other relationships whether they be with self, others, or God. So a critically important part of recovery is the ability to improve on character defects and develop healthy, meaningful relationships.

In AA's Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book, written by co-founder Bill Wilson, Step Eight suggests making a list of people harmed by the alcoholic's behavior. Then Wilson makes a powerful statement: "Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one. Calm, thoughtful reflection upon personal relations can deepen our insight."

Insight into what? Basic flaws that interfere with healthy relating. We all have our share. "Suppose that we are irritable, critical, impatient, and humorless....What happens when we try to dominate the whole family....What happens when we wallow in depression, self-pity oozing from every pore, and inflict that upon those about us?"

As recovery turns to discovery, there is a "deep and honest search of our motives and actions." And Wilson says sometimes it may seem that "though the harm done others has not been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselves has. Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness... they may actually have given our emotions violent twists which have since discolored our personalities and altered our lives for the worst."

This book was written by Bill Wilson many years after AA was formed, and members had discovered deeper truths about the complications of alcoholism. There was far more to it than just stopping the drinking. Addiction affects us physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually. It's holistic. And the journey of recovery must deal with all the twists and turns of the human personality, all the complexities.

"Thoroughness, we have found, will pay--and pay handsomely," Wilson writes. "We shall want to hold ourselves to the course of admitting the things we have done, meanwhile forgiving the wrongs done us, real or fancied."

Then he states, "We should avoid extreme judgments, both of ourselves and of others involved. We must not exaggerate our defects or theirs." Wilson knows only too well that addicts have a basic tendency to indulge in extremes, whether they are actively addicted or experiencing recovery.

At the end of Step Eight he tells his fellow extremists, "A quite, objective view will be our steadfast aim." As for Wilson's idea of the value of dealing with one's character defects, the last line in the chapter says it all: "It is the beginning of the end of isolation from our fellows and from God."

Isolation is at the core of addiction, and to break the isolation an addict must break through defenses erected to resist necessary changes in character. It's a bit like a chick needing to break through its shell if it is to emerge into the open air and live life fully.

- Back -