10. Serenity is an important goal in recovery

By Tom O'Connell

Serenity is an important concept to think about, and in Twelve Step programs of recovery from addictive lifestyles serenity is a worthy goal. Its attainment helps people avoid being caught up in the extreme thoughts and behaviors that threaten wellness.   

When I say "goal" I do not mean "destination." I think of serenity as more of an ideal than as a permanent condition. It's a little bit like that elusive butterfly of love. When we try too hard to possess it, we're likely to either crush it or motivate it to fly away.  

Webster's New World Dictionary says "serene" is "clear, unclouded, undisturbed, calm." It does not say "numb" or "frozen." Being "serene" does not require a frozen face,  an unruffled posture, and talking in a monotone. That's just stiffness, or rigidity. And it's probably a sign of fear. It's certainly not vitality. Stiffness is a sign of death, not life.

Serenity is a quality of the soul, or spirit. And inner calm doesn't mean an absence of authentic emotions. We were not created to be robots or statues. The gift of life carries with it a full range of emotions including joy, happiness, anger, frustration, and a host of other authentic responses to the ups and downs of existence.

The goal of serenity, or inner calmness, is worthy if it's made in the name of peace and love. But it's not healthy to attempt to erase the other God-given emotions that are designed to help us cope with life. We simply have to watch out for the extremes. "Nothing in excess," as the Oracle at Delphi cautions.

Detachment can bring calmness, but if I detach too much, I run the risk of becoming indifferent, mindless, and unreal. I'm being real when I shed tears, or express irritation, joy, or happiness. But if I act like a statue I'm not being real.

Addiction recovery takes people from unreality to reality, and helps lost people to find themselves. It's a journey from escape to full participation in life, and a journey that requires a certain amount of serenity...but not the false "peace" of despair and resignation.

Many recovering people use the Serenity Prayer to help them with their insecurity, sensitivity, and moodiness. And other prayers are helpful too, along with daily meditation.  Regular meeting attendance also provides a dose of peace for sensitive nervous systems.   

Although only the opening lines of the Serenity Prayer are used by most groups, here's the whole prayer which contains some powerful messages:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference--

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.

This prayer helps millions cope with life's challenges, and reminds us that no matter how difficult the situation is, we can choose our own actions and attitudes. Although serenity is not a permanent state in beings with living bodies, minds, and spirits subject to stimulation by various forces, the philosophy of the Serenity Prayer can help us maximize  mental calmness and minimize internal chaos. It makes good spiritual sense. Peace to you.

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