11. Emotional resiliency worth striving for

By Tom O'Connell

The pioneers of Alcoholics Anonymous saw emotional balance as the key objective in recovery. This ideal state was described as "emotional resiliency" by consultant David Lee in his presentation at the Cape Cod Symposium on Addictive Disorders.

Lee talked on "Developing Emotional Resiliency in These Times of Rapid Change." And he is an expert on facilitating change. He advises health care professionals and corporations on issues related to health, peak performance, and mind/body communication.

People in addiction recovery are in one of the most challenging processes that anyone can encounter. They are under stress, and emotional resiliency is important. It's about strength, endurance, flexibility, and the ability to recuperate, says Lee.

Looking at these times of rapid change, Lee reports, "Today's world is like the Olympics versus a softball game. It's a world of accelerating change, social and familial fragmentation, spiritual emptiness, and vulnerability to stress."

Facing today's challenges, recovering people who have traumatized the chemistry of their brains and central nervous systems have increased their vulnerability. So it's all the more important for them to learn how to deal with current stress.

On resiliency, he says, "It's the ability to bounce back. It's challenging and then recuperating. It's regenerating and revitalizing. Rest is just as important  as working out."

Lee cautions that we need to know what's a big deal and what isn't. "Today's society presents the kind of stress that grinds us down. Controlling bosses. Bills to meet. Repetitive stress without rest. We need to develop the ability to respond flexibly in the moment, and adapt to changing circumstances."

Stress, he says, is "when we perceive that our coping resources are inadequate and our well-being is threatened." Challenge, on the other hand, is "when we perceive our coping resources to be adequate." Challenges can enhance our lives and bring a feeling of wellness. Too much stress can wear us out.

To increase our capacity for handling stress, he suggests, "You're stronger than you think. Crises can be opportunities in disguise. Ask yourself why you are here and what is your mythic journey. Get passionate about something. In other words, get a life."

One important way to increase capacity for emotional resilience is having the courage to be brave in relationships. "This is the biggest missing ingredient in most people's self-development. We have to practice being brave. It's an ongoing process."

Lee also emphasizes the power of self-talk, lightening up, watching our mouths and our thoughts, and asking better questions. "Stop playing horror movies," he cautions, "and learn to use your body to change your mind." Exercise is very helpful.

To increase flexibility, he recommends making a friend out of "not knowing," breaking free from routines, traveling to new places, and going on a vacation without an itinerary. "If you satisfy the part of your brain that loves routine it will dominate your life."

He also suggests getting serious about having fun, practicing meditation, spending time in nature, and being with nurturing people.

In Lee's own words, what emotional resiliency is all about is "not sweating the small stuff and rising to the occasion with the big stuff....like an athlete in training."

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