18. Values in recovery an important consideration

By Tom O'Connell

I recently came across some information designed to help people from other countries understand Americans better. It was about our common values, the values that make us different from people in many other cultures.

When applied to addiction recovery, some values held by many Americans coincide with Twelve Step recovery values. The ability to change and grow. Principles of equality and fairness. Informality. Openness and honesty.

Yet other values are diametrically opposed. Like the American belief that we can control our environment. A key Twelve Step slogan is, "Let go and let God." Can a person control outcomes? "Didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't change it, can't control it."

American life is a race with time. In recovery, it's different. "Easy does it." "Give time time." "It takes time." "It gets better." "When the student is ready the teacher will appear." "Time is nature's way of preventing everything from happening all at once."

In the U.S. we believe in self-help. But Twelve Step recovery involves mutual help, cooperation, empathy, and unconditional love as opposed to the self-centeredness which is at the core of addiction. "I am not the center of the universe." "Not God."

Americans treasure individualism and independence. But in recovery, even though liberty for the individual is important, interdependence with other members of Twelve Step groups is vital. "You never have to be alone again." "When you're alone you're in bad company." "Ask for help." "Meetings are our medicine." "Keep coming back."

Competition is an American value too, and we think it brings out the best in everybody. But it leads to winners and losers. In addiction recovery programs everyone's a winner. "You have to give it away to keep it." "Never take yourself too seriously."

Americans focus on the future, play down the past, and have trouble staying in the present. In recovery, "It's okay to look back, but don't stare." "The past is history, the future's a mystery." "When I'm depressed I'm living in the past. When I'm afraid, I'm  living in the future. When I'm reasonably comfortable, I'm living in the present."

In our society the basic advice is, "Don't just stand there, do something." In recovery, the reverse may be true. "Don't just do something, sit there." In this action-packed society, Twelve Step wisdom suggests, "Get out of the driver's seat."

In American culture we prize efficiency and practicality. In addiction recovery, one slogan says, "If it's not broken, don't fix it." Another asks, "How important is it?"

Materialistic and acquisitive Americans base their lives on the slogan "More is better." In recovery, the slogan shifts to "Less is better."

So when a person moves from the addictive culture to the recovery way of life, the adjustment can be difficult. In many ways, it's like moving to China or the Middle East. People operate differently there. They have different values, and it takes a while to make the necessary adjustments. So it's no wonder that recovering people, who use spiritual wisdom as their guide, may think of themselves as existing in a different culture from the one where "Earth people" live. But there's a slogan about that too. "Enjoy the journey."

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