45. Adult children of alcoholics are attracted to high stress situations

By Tom O'Connell

One of the most acceptable addictions in our culture is work addiction, and many adult children of alcoholics fall into this mode. "Adult children in the workplace are very dedicated, but they're drawn to high stress occupations without having the tools to handle their jobs," said Dr. Janet Woititz to a conference of health practitioners that I attended some years ago. Her insights are still valid.

Woititz, a pioneer in the ACOA field, and author of the book "Adult Children of Alcoholics," described ACOAs as having a tendency to be "super-responsible" and "prime candidates for burnout."

This doesn't meant that all ACOAs are alike. There are irresponsible adult children too. But ACOAs often try to do the opposite of what they experienced in their families under the shadow of alcoholism. So instead of being irresponsible and neglectful like their parent(s), they tend to go to the opposite extreme.

ACOAs usually do well in crisis locations such as hospital emergency rooms because crisis is second nature to them. According to Woititz, a survey of 100 ACOAs who came to a mental health center for help showed that 87 of them were in high stress occupations.

Paradoxically, an adult child can build important skills and still feel inadequate about job performance, even though she may be getting paid very well. "Another predominant feeling of adult children is anger," said Woititz. "They're apt to say, 'This job is getting to me,' link this feeling with their compulsivity, and then bolt."

In many cases, adult children will complain about overwork, yet won't be aware of their own limitations. "They're afraid they'll lose their jobs if they say 'No,' regardless of what the demand may be."

Along with their tendency to be overly responsible for the well-being of others, adult children often ignore their responsibility to themselves. So they are excellent candidates for workaholism, and will sacrifice rest, recreation, and relationships.

Sensitivity to change is a factor with adult children too. Woititz reported that abrupt changes in the workplace can be overwhelming to them, because this ties in with their fear of loss. "The ACOA's sense of self is not that strong," she said.

Another key problem for ACOAs is their difficulty in setting clear boundaries. After all, they were raised in homes without boundaries. So they don't know the answer to the question, "Where do I end and where does someone else begin?"

Because of their tendency to be perfectionists, they make fine workers. But they are apt to blame themselves for other people's shortcomings.

ACOAs are usually good at beginnings and endings, whether in relationships or other transactions, but Woititz noted that they have difficulty with middles and are uncomfortable with the steps that come in between.

 Is help available? Yes. There are Al-Anon meetings of adult children, and many therapists are skilled at helping ACOAs come to terms with their tendencies.

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