9. Defenses need to be dealt with in addiction recovery

By Tom O'Connell

A key factor in addiction is the defensive behavior we use to avoid changing our life-damaging actions. Why make excuses? Why not just stop? Addiction isn't that simple. It's basically irrational and at the primitive level it includes powerful craving. The kind of craving we get when we haven't eaten for a while. "I'm starving!"

When a person is driven by intense craving, isn't it natural to defend the behavior? "Hey, if you had the pressure I have on my job you'd get drunk too." The craving is so strong it feels like a life-and-death situation. And relief is needed. So, instead of dealing with the real problem, the person gets drunk instead. And there are consequences. 

Consequences? Who thinks of consequences when she hasn't eaten for days and then suddenly finds food? "I should just nibble this wonderful food? You're kidding."

In simple terms, a defense is a process we use to obtain relief from emotional conflict or anxiety. Basically, we use defenses to protect us from harm. "They are ways we react when we feel hurt by someone else's behavior," explained psychotherapist Leigh McCullough Vaillant at Einstein College of Medicine's Cape Cod Institute.

A major defense discussed by Vaillant was "avoidance," such as avoiding specific feelings because of conflict about the feeling. For example, I might not disclose my anger because when I was young my anger triggered violence that brought me deep pain.

Avoiding closeness is a common defense. If I become withdrawn, shy, and too inhibited to reveal my true feelings to you, it may be because when I revealed feelings in another relationship, I was betrayed, ridiculed, or punished for it.

Vaillant listed avoidance of authenticity too. Instead of being my true self, I may put on a false face, believing that if you knew me as I am you wouldn't like me.

Another avoidance mechanism is sabotage. Just when a relationship is building nicely, with a therapist or another intimate person, I may blow it right out of the water because I'm anxious about making a major change in my life pattern.

Also, Vaillant said, there can be lack of motivation to grow and change. I may expect a magical cure for problems and at the same time avoid accepting responsibility for my own part in the situation, which would require making the necessary adjustments.

These avoidance mechanisms can impair all of our relationships, and stunt our emotional and spiritual growth. So it's important for us to get to understand our defenses. Why am I doing this even though it brings me discomfort? What feeling am I trying to avoid? What is it that's making me anxious? Why am I not nurturing myself instead of using this defense? What would be a more healthy way for me to behave?

Often our defenses have an addictive component, and Vaillant's suggestion was,  "Replace the addictive attachments with adaptive ones." In other words, we should choose health by exploring our feelings, learning to regulate our anxieties, and improving our relationships by adopting healthy behavior.

Dealing with defenses is a vital part of addiction recovery. And it can make the difference between a life of joy and a life of anguish caused by relapsing into the old addictive patterns.

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