24. Workaholism is considered an "acceptable" addiction

By Tom O'Connell

"Hey, what's wrong with working hard? I do it to help my family, don't I? Instead of criticizing my long hours you should be grateful."

In our society we're not apt to be as hard on workaholics as we are on alcoholics or gamblers.  After all, the workaholic is improving the gross national product and bringing home the bacon. So the workaholic can even get away with saying, "I'm a perfectionist and a workaholic. That's the way I am." And those who are benefiting from the increased income and prestige are unlikely to criticize the excessive worker.

For many, workaholism is an "acceptable" addiction because it may bring prestige, power, money and other forms of recognition. But addiction is addiction, no matter how it is rationalized. Basically, addiction is a condition of unhealthy dependence on behavior that impairs our ability to function to full potential. And when we are giving all of our best energy to work there are other aspects of our lives that are bound to suffer.

Workaholism can distort our thinking and twist our values. It can alienate us from friends and families. It can wear us down with steadily mounting stress. And it can leave us very vulnerable when any interruption of our work takes place. An interruption caused by ill health or downsizing can present us with a serious identity problem. After all, if I am what I do, and I don't do it anymore, then who am I? I have lost myself. As workaholics say in therapy, "I became a human doing instead of a human being."

The richness of our lives can be measured by the quality of our relationships with self, others, and God. But work addiction impairs those important relationships. For example, if I have an issue that should be discussed with my partner, and instead I choose to dodge confrontation and dialogue by spending extra hours at work, I am working addictively. By choosing to avoid interpersonal relating I am not living to my full potential, and my emotional health is gradually eroding. Addiction is always life-damaging.

 Here are some questions to answer about your work habits: Are you unable to  leave work until it's perfect? Do you prefer work to socializing? Feel as if there's too much to do and too little time to do it? Prefer work to being at home? Often work evenings and weekends? Even when away from work, do you keep thinking about it? Talking about it? Do you postpone taking time off? Change vacation plans because of work? Take work on vacation? Boast about not taking vacations? Do you hear complaints from friends and family because they seldom see you? Do you feel tired? Unable to concentrate? Feel anxious and irritable? Are you ready to admit that you suffer from "burnout"?

If you can relate even to a few of these questions, you are probably a workaholic. The more of these questions you answer yes to the more serious your workaholism is. But awareness is the first step toward healthy change. The next step is seeing someone you can trust and discussing the subject thoroughly and honestly. From there you can begin doing what we humans seem to have the most trouble with...changing our addictive patterns.

But we can learn to be aware of the feelings that drive us toward workaholism and use them as a guide to healthy relating. We can learn to work smarter, not harder. We can distinguish between hard work and being addictive. We can learn to be good to ourselves and take breaks. We can plan quality time with those we love. We can be more well rounded in our approach to life.

Also, we will be faced with a paradox as we recover from workaholism. When we begin to relate to our work in a more healthy way, the quality of our work will improve.

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