8. Serenity is an extremely important goal in recovery

By Tom O'Connell

Serenity is an important concept to think about, and in Twelve Step programs of recovery from addictive lifestyles serenity is highly prized. It's a worthy goal because it helps people avoid being caught up in the kinds of extreme thoughts and behaviors that lead to trouble.

When I say "goal" I do not mean "destination." I think of serenity as more of an ideal than as a permanent condition. It's a little bit like that elusive butterfly of love. When we try too hard to possess it, we're likely to either crush it or motivate it to fly away.

According to Webster's New World Dictionary, "serene" means "clear, unclouded, undisturbed, calm." It does not say "numb" or "frozen." When I see someone claiming to be serene, sitting with a frozen face, exhibiting an unruffled posture, and talking in a monotone, I don't call that serenity. I call it being stuck in a pose.

I don't think the God of my limited understanding created us to be statues. He gave us life, with a full range of emotions including joy, happiness, anger, frustration, and a host of other authentic responses to the ups and downs of existence.

When I see a person posing as a completely unruffled being, I don't see it as authentic. Nor do I see it as real. When I see tears, that's real. When I hear irritation and anger, that's real. When I see a person tremble, that's real. When I experience love and spontaneous laughter, that's real. But acting like a statue is not real.

I believe addiction recovery takes people from unreality to reality and helps lost people find themselves. It's a journey from escape to full participation in life, and a journey that requires a certain amount of serenity...but not the "peace" of despair and resignation.

Many recovering people use the Serenity Prayer to help them with their insecurity, sensitivity, and moodiness. Other prayers are helpful too, along with daily meditation. And regular meeting attendance provides a dose of peace for sensitive nervous systems.

Although only the opening lines of the Serenity Prayer are used by most groups, here's the whole prayer which contains some powerful messages:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference--

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.

This prayer helps millions cope with life's challenges, and reminds us that no matter how difficult the situation is, we can choose our own actions and attitudes. Although serenity is not a permanent state in beings with living bodies, minds, and spirits subject to stimulation by outside forces, the philosophy of the Serenity Prayer can help us maximize  mental calmness and minimize internal chaos. It makes good spiritual sense. Peace to you.

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