TABLE OF CONTENTS:

1) A Look at Intimacy and Addiction
2) Some Definitions to Consider
3) FIVE Cs of Relationship Addiction
4) The O/C of Relationship Addiction
5) PMESS of Relationship Addiction
6) DDT&W of Relationship Addiction
7) The CPF of Relationship Addiction
8) Attempting to Fill Inner Emptiness
9) The Three Basic Relationships
10) The Process of Addictive Relating
11) Some Thoughts About Infatuation
12) Healthy Relating
13) Some Thoughts on Love
14) Sex and Wholeness
15) The Various Kinds of Love
16) Real Love
17) Love and Self-Discipline
18) The Need to Grow Together
19) Key Elements in the 10 Strategies
20) The 10 Powerful Strategies 

BOOK DESCRIPTION:

"IMPROVING INTIMACY" inspires readers with a concise look at 10 spiritually-based strategies for creating healthy, loving relationships. AUTHOR TOM O'CONNELL UTILIZED THIS BOOK IN THE COURSE "CREATING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS" WHICH HE DEVELOPED AT CAPE COD COMMUNITY COLLEGE. He gives retreats and lectures based on the book. .

The emphasis in this book is on STRATEGIES FOR ENHANCING ONE'S CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS by absorbing powerful insights on addictive relating, control issues, healthy listening, effective communications, resolving conflict in a loving way...and more.

The UNDERLYING CONCEPT of this book is found in the following quotation from psychologist Anna Ornstein when author Tom O'Connell heard her address the staff at the 25th Anniversary of Family Counseling & Guidance Centers in Boston: "FEELING UNDERSTOOD IS THE ONLY WAY AN ADULT CAN BE VALIDATED."

Practice of the 10 strategies will improve your ability to enjoy life more fully on a daily basis. As you relate to others, self, and God in a loving way you will help others to feel understood, you will be validated by your increasing understanding of yourself, and you will come to a better understanding of God's will for you.

RELATING IN A HEALTHY, LOVING WAY IS THE GOAL. AND THESE STRATEGIES WILL HELP YOU TO ACHIEVE THAT GOAL. 

AUTHOR COMMENTS:

It was a joy to write this book. And it has been a source of great satisfaction when readers have told me that it has inspired them to improve their relationships. After all, what is the greatest challenge in life? Relating well to self, others, and God.

As for this book's brevity, I have practiced what I preach. I teach English Composition at Cape Cod Community College, where I advise students to choose their words well, and to avoid unnecessary words.

I find that many books today are two or three times as long as they need to be, and could be written much more powerfully by using fewer pages. Why plod through hundreds of pages to gain insights that can be achieved more effectively through brevity and clarity? 

I have always been impressed by the story about Abraham Lincoln's letter to a mother who had lost her son in battle. He said he was sorry for writing such a long letter because he didn't have the time to write a short one. I took the time to write a short book for busy people who don't have the time to read wordy ones.

Enjoy!

EXCERPTED:

EXCERPTED from Improving Intimacy: 10 Powerful Strategies...A Spiritual Approach, by Tom O'Connell. Copyright 1993. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Pages 29 - 30...Love doesn't compete and it doesn't control. It frees. It nurtures. It gives. It receives. It celebrates and it listens. It shares. It cares. It laughs. It cries. It expresses and it trusts. It meets you. It's there for you. It risks. It opens itself. It discloses and it affirms. It validates. It understands. It knows you. It protects. It respects and it encourages. It touches. It heals. It commits. And it grows with you.

Love is a work of art created through discipline and concentration; patience and kindness; concern and faith; courage and activity; detachment, looking beyond faults, and meeting needs.

Love doesn't need to compete, and it rests comfortably in its own essence. It doesn't want to beat anybody or win anything. It doesn't want what you have. It isn't in a race. It's not driven by anxiety. And it may exhibit passion, but it is not obsessed or compulsive. It prefers cooperation to competition.

Love doesn't need to control. It has no interest in dominating anybody or determining anyone else's existence. It knows that the only control necessary in life is self-control; and that challenge is enough to keep it very busy working on purifying its own heart.

Love does not need to possess or own you. It combines strength and gentleness. It gives affection without demanding or complaining. It makes room for mistakes. It may confront, but it doesn't need to force issues. It tells the truth, but its aim is not to hurt or harm. It is filled with empathy for all.

Love is a gift from God which he put into all creation. We have an abundance of it available to us. And the more we give it away the more it comes to us. The supply is infinite because God's love for us has no limits. So don't waste your energy competing and controlling. Use your energy on useful pursuits like expanding your own ability to love.

REVIEWS:

Cape Cod Times

"This book details positive steps to creating healthy relationships...powerful strategies are discussed In a  VERY READABLE style..."

The Journal (ARF), Toronto

"A short, punchy look at love...COMMONSENSICAL ADVICE, along a strong spiritual thread."

Anne LeClaire, novelist

"Thoughtfully written...THOUGHT-PROVOKING...a sane, compassionate, and ultimately healing look at the words of addiction, intimacy and love."

Don Latulippe, WPLM radio, Plymouth, Mass.

"I think this is the FINEST EXAMPLE OF ANYONE WRITING ON THIS SUBJECT  that I've ever read. It's so well written that I recommend it for everyone, even for general reading."

The Cape Codder

"It's AMAZING how many sound suggestions can be crammed into a tiny volume...replete with cogent thoughts...easy to understand, it SHOULD BE APPRECIATED IN ANY HOUSEHOLD...a thoughtful thesis."

Back to top of  page

Copyright © 2007 by Sanctuary Unlimited. Dennisport, Massachusetts U.S.A.
All the text and images published on the Sanctuary Unlimited website are for personal use only and are not for use in the public domain. Unless otherwise noted in various texts, you may not re-use any text or image in any other publication or for any commercial use without permission. Reproduction, redistribution, or exploitation are strictly prohibited.